Things were so carelessly fun. Hours on end of pointless, but meaningful conversation between my close friends and I. I miss those times. I love you guys, I know I complain, and I suppose sometimes I’m greedy with a certain few things, and out of everyone in the whole family I feel as if I’m the one who always needs to have an eye on, but even with that stated, I love you guys. I’m so lucky to have you in my life. I have so many friends I could possibly talk to, but in all reality, in the end of the day, you’re the only friends I want to continue life with.
Another thing I’d like to write about is why didn’t you say anything to me when you knew I was hurting? Only to tell me later how you felt in the first place? You fail. Things are different now, and I don’t understand why you act the way you act sometimes. I’m glad you’re one of my close friends though.
I miss you. I wish things could have worked out better for the both of us. I guess, in the end, your happiness was regained and I respect that. I just miss being able to talk to you about stupid things like we once did, for that week and a half. You’re an amazing person, inside and out and I wish that person was still here.
You make me happy. You’ve showed me what love is. In all honestly, I never thought I’d find anyone who had the same amount of interest in me as I would to them. I really thought I was doomed, doomed to never finding the right person made for me. But then, all of the sudden, you came into my life with your cute smile and big blue eyes. I don’t know what it is you see in me, but I’m the luckiest girl alive to have you. <3
come off as being over dramatic, nor do I want to become repetitive within my notions and sayings but I feel as if I’m not wanted. “Fuck that…” Really? Seriously? That makes me feel like you don’t want to see me, nor do you even “care”. You guys only love me when you’re under some kind of substance. All the while you’re under this trance created by chemicals, bubbling in your mind, it makes me happy because for a short period of time I feel loved by you. But all at the same time, it makes me want to cry. I don’t want to be over dramatic, but I don’t know how else I would have stated that.
I really do love you with all my heart.
Each and every single one of you.
I don’t know what I’m going to do.
I just wanted to see you guy’s today.
Possibly hang out.
But the “Bond” was too important.
I fail at being a best, if not that a good, friend.
This is not about the family. Just so people know,
You shouldn’t state rather someone is disgusting or not, just because they decide to rekindle a broken friendship. You’re really immature. You’ve started so much between two beautiful beings. Just move, leave, and let everyone else live their lives peacefully.
I feel as if I’m floating away slowly, and by the time responsibility comes along I’ll have no one.
I don’t know if that will make sense to anyone but myself. I just feel really disconnected from things. I want to know like how I knew before, I want to able to be automatically thought of when plans come along, I want old times to come around. I’m very thankful for how life has brought me all of what I have experienced, but time has came by so quickly, so fast, as to where I hadn’t had enough time to enjoy myself back then.
Be sure to check your phone, for it still might be on vibrate. That being, you might not hear your cellular device when it’s time to get up…..due to the fact that the only sound that is trying to awake you from your deep slumber….are the fucking…vibrations.
I woke up late and I could have sworn I wasn’t going to make it to the bus on time. But, due to my magical harry potter skills, I made it just in time.
Oh by the way, Dave helped do my hair today. It’s red now, but I highly doubt that the colour in my hair will stay. It usually lasts about 4 days and BOOM. Gone. That is just upsetting to me.
Today was fun too, too fun. While my handsome significant other Alex, Papa Mike, and Mini Dk stood amazed in the Apple store today, Dave and I walked away searching for orange-cream-like delights. SUCCESS! Sometimes the Arrowhead mall holds wonderful surprises.
I plan on making sure my phone is on loud when I go to bed tonight. I plan on actually doing my hair in the morning too. Boo you.
My hair is in a knotty up do, my face is all unmade, and i’m wearing the worst clothes I probably own, with all of that said I feel absolutely great. It feels like summer before sophomore year all over again. I’m awake all night, and I end up sleeping ALL day. I miss my friends though.
Anyways, school is going to be great, just a few more days and I’m done. Also, just a few more days and my red hair will be here (;
Two months will have past on Friday and there is something I have to say. I know it’s only been two months, to some people that may seem like a really long time, to other’s they may just feel like it was insignificant time passing by. I for one, can not say the same. The last two months have gone by increasingly fast. The time that has passed by wasn’t insignificant, I’ve cherished it with someone who has my heart and has molded me into a happier human being.
I’m not sure who will read this, nor do I care. I feel like people should know, I feel like people shouldn’t be so surprised when they see myself and the one who calls me dear walking around the corner.
I just want everyone to know, that yes. Love is real. I use to think that love was a type of myth and or over talked about figment of imagination created by people who were bored. I use to tell people that love wasn’t real.
Within two months I have been proven wrong. Love is very real. I finally encountered this sickly feeling of romance I have seen in movies and read about in books. It’s better than I imagined <3 I love you Alex, I love you so much.
“What would happen if I died”? I thought about all the things I wanted to or should’ve said. Things that would forever be left unsaid. I thought about what people would really feel, if they would actually care. But I mostly thought about the things someone else may have wanted to say to me. What if it what they said ended up changing everything? It really is such a stupid thing to think about.
As of late, I’ve been finding it quite difficult to sleep. Considering I do sleep all day after school and end up waking up around 10 pm..ish, but all in all, I decided with the time that is not being spent dreaming in a deep sea of slumber, that I should write about things, important, more or less, insignificant, or what have you.
First and foremost, I’m grounded. Despite the fact that I have this unusual and incredibly lame punishment, due to Mr. Stone, I’m very happy and content about life. I’ve never been so ecstatic to just be.
If anyone has noticed my change in mood in the last month, and wondered what was wrong, I’ll just let you know that I was secretly going through a rough patch. As I quietly lived a few weeks in a horrible mind set and or mood, I tried masking it. It worked for some while, but after all that thinking, after all that wondering, I no longer have to analyze or worry about my near and distant future. I’m happy. Very, very, very happy. In fact, I can’t remember the last time I was this happy about anything.
Another thing that has been bothering me, although I don’t think it should, is that people don’t seem to believe me when I say the most honest thing I could ever possibly say to another human being. Do people not believe me because of who I once had eyes for? If so, please don’t fret. Nothing will, and or ever, come of that.
My life is on a rollercoaster. Hopefully tomorrow, I’ll be in a better mood.
A list of minor/and I guess major characteristic factoids about myself. Enjoy.
-i tolerate people easily, however i dislike many -when i’m angry, i cry -when i do not have chapstick at hand, i am unhappy -my mother only loves me on good days -for the past 3 years of high school, the school’s system has always spelt my last name incorrectly; i could change it, but i’m too lazy -my best friends are dave and jackson and no one can top them -“i’ve had enough of unrequited love” -usually, i come off open to many things, when secretly, i’m quite private -i don’t like it when people touch me for no reason -even though i am friendly, i do not particularly favor new people -do not try to contact me via cell phone before 10 am (i will kill you; i’m sleeping) -i like to tickle mister alex brooks, considering his myspace says i’m allowed to <3 -i hate being tickled though, i’m ticklish everywhere -i like eating pineapple as i eat my pizza -my favourite dessert is cheesecake -i like to quote my favourite bands; miniature tigers and brighteyes -green, navy blue, brown, and gray are my favourite colours. -i sleep like a rabbit -i love trees, very much so -i’m your typical 14 year old, too bad i’m actually 17. -i’ve given up on talking to strangers about music, they don’t seem to understand -i smile because it takes too much energy to frown -i tend to repeat myself; and i forget easily -i think normality isn’t what it’s cracked up to be -i’ve learned to be polite -i’ve learned to be mean (when needed)
I feel like this is a shaky thing to discuss. I have lots of songs I absolutely love. Lately, I’ve been listening to a lot of Miniature Tigers, granted that they may definitely be one of my favourite bands ever, but my favourite song has to be written by Connor OBerst. Brighteyes is just simply wonderful, and when my favourite song plays it just makes me think of life and all it’s greatness.
Bowl Of Oranges - Brighteyes
The reason as to why I favor this song so much is because of one line:
" He said "Oh yes you can. Just hold my hand. I think that would help." So I sat with him a while and then I asked him how he felt. He said, "I think I’m cured. In fact, I’m sure. Thank you stranger, for your therapeutic smile."
Through out the past month has finally lifted off my tense shoulders. I have room to breathe, time to think of the future, and all the love from my friends and wonderful boyfriend I could ever ask for.
I’ve never been so happy in my life. Everything I want and need is in my reach for my taking whenever I feel it is appropriate to hold on to. Even with knowing that, I haven’t even let go in the first place.
Also, as of lately, like as in the past six or seven months, I haven’t done anything to further myself in my talents and or hobbies. That includes, writing, drawing, singing, and painting. I use to do all of those things, all the time, I use to be filled with thought and ideas, but my recent choices have made me lazy, there for making me lack of I use to take a huge interest in. I’m going to continue writing in my journal. Despite how happy I am with the placement in my life right now, I miss the old me.